Why Positive Thinking Doesn't Work

Why positive thoughts aren’t fulfilling?

In this blog post I’m going to talk about why positive thoughts aren’t enough to give you the happiness and fulfilment that you want. The happiness created by positive thoughts is definitely enjoyable and makes us happy. However, positive-thought happiness isn’t very strong or very fulfilling.

An exercise to help you see what feelings positive thoughts create

In order to help you see for yourself that positive thought happiness isn’t very fulfilling, I would like to ask you to engage with the following exercise.

1) Please take a moment to think back to a time when you achieved something you had really wanted for a long time. This could be the moment when you got a job offer, a promotion, learned that you had passed an important exam, won a championship title, got proposed to, or anything else. Try to remember how happy you were in the first moment when you got what you wanted. Remember how that felt. Think about the all encompassing and intense happiness that you had in that moment. It was pretty great, right?

2) Now, I would like you to think to yourself, “I am in my dream job”, “I am a licensed lawyer”, “I am a champion”, “I am married”, or “I am… whatever else it was that you achieved. How happy does it make you feel when you tell yourself this?

3) Lastly, please tell yourself the story of the moment when you achieved your goal. How does this memory make you feel right now?

Directly discovering how positive thoughts don’t create a fulfilling happiness
Was the quality of your happiness the same in each of these three scenarios? For the vast majority of us, the first few moments after we achieve a goal, we are fulfilled and overtaken with happiness.

On the other hand, when you think about the achievement now, how happy does it make you feel? It generally provides a pleasant feeling, but this feeling isn’t particularly strong. And, it is completely incomparable to the all-encompassing and intense happiness we experienced in the initial few moments when we got what we wanted.

The reason that our experiences of happiness are so different between the moment we got what we wanted, and the moments when we think about it, is simply because they are created by two very different causes. The first few moments of happiness when we get what want are created by the absence of thoughts, while our happiness later on is created by positive thoughts about the present or the past.

The happiness of getting what we want

If we manage to get anything in our life to match our definition of “perfect”, when we get what we want, we often immediately experience happiness. Despite how it seems, this immediate happiness is not created by the new circumstance itself or by positive thoughts. This happiness is actually the direct result of losing the thoughts that were creating our suffering.

If we have a goal, we almost always believe the following 3 thoughts:

1)      “The way things are right now isn’t “good enough”. This creates a feeling of sadness, lack, and insufficiency in our life.

2)      “I (someone else) is to blame for the current “bad” circumstances”. This creates a feeling of shame or anger.

3)      “It would be “bad” if I never achieve my goal.” This thought creates anxiety and fear.

But, in the moment that we achieve our goal (i.e. make things “perfect”), there will be no more thoughts about how this particular circumstance is “bad”, no more thoughts about who is to blame for the “bad” circumstance, and no more thoughts about the possible “bad” outcome of not getting what we want. These negative thoughts created our sadness, anger, and anxiety about this specific circumstance. Therefore, when these negative thoughts leave, we are left with happiness. Happiness is what remains when there are no thoughts to create our suffering. This is the experience of the present moment.

If, in the moment that you got your achievement, the happiness was created by positive thoughts, then you would have the same experience in this moment when you tell yourself the same positive thoughts about achieving your goal (i.e. “I am a champion”). But, yet it doesn’t. The happiness is very different because they are created by 2 very different things.

There are a few reasons why our positive thoughts aren’t very fulfilling and don’t create the all-pervasive happiness that we experience when we get what we want.

In the midst of positive thoughts there are still negative thoughts

By nature, when we think some aspect of our lives is “great”, we also still believe that other aspects are “bad”. Therefore, when we think a positive thought, our happiness is generally being held back by the attention, whether conscious or not, that we’re giving to some negative thoughts in the background.

In other words, when you tell yourself a positive thought about something, that one thing is not your whole life. For example, if you say “I am successful”, “I am a lawyer”, or “I’m married”, it doesn’t eliminate all the other thoughts about how “I’m not good enough at this”, “he is not good enough at that”, “It would be bad if that happened”, or “It would be bad if they thought that about me”. These thoughts are still creating lack, disappointment, anger, anxiety, and worry underneath the surface when a positive thought/story is being told in your mind.

Positive thoughts are not stable or real

When we have a positive thought about something, it is usually easy (or at least possible) for that thought to change so that it becomes “worse”. Therefore, when we rely on positive thoughts to make us happy, there is almost always a constant subtle anxiety that our positive thought might change and we might lose our happiness.

For example, if you think about yourself, “I am attractive”, this would give you a little pleasure. Since you like this pleasure, of course you would not want this thought to change to “I am unattractive”. Obviously, it doesn’t feel nice to think “I am unattractive”. But, once you unconsciously decide that it would be “bad” to think “I am unattractive”, you start to feel a subtle anxiety about the possibility of that thought changing to “I am unattractive”. It’s not as though attractiveness is a real and stable thing, just “I am attractive” end of story. No, this thought can be affected of many different things such as gaining weight, skin problems, ageing, or anything else. In order to maintain your thought “I am attractive”, you may frequently worry about whether your face, clothes, and body meet your definition of “attractive”.

If others were to tell you that you are unattractive, or if you get rejected or broken up with, it would be harder to continue to believe, “I am attractive”. Therefore, you would naturally begin to worry about what others think.

Because positive thoughts aren’t real and tangible, they are not stable. Since they can be relatively easily lessened, worsened, eliminated, there is always at least a subtle worry of losing the positive thought. But, most often, it is a very apparent worry.

Memories are tinged with discontent about this moment

Generally, the most common time we go to memories is when we’re not content in this moment. When we are enjoying ourselves, we usually have no reason to start telling stories of the past. But, when we don’t like where we are, we go to our memories to provide us with a little enjoyable escape.

Therefore, even while we are telling the nice story from our past (the memory), if the memory doesn’t take our full 100% attention, a small portion of our attention is still given to our negative thoughts about this moment. These negative thoughts in the background create a sense of lack, and prevent us from fully experiencing the happiness of our memory (a positive thought). In addition, memories are also often tinged with the anxiety of knowing that we have to come back to this “worse” moment or from thinking that we may never have such a “good” moment again.

For example, if you think about your wonderful vacation on the beach last month, this will give you some pleasure, and maybe put a smile on your face. However, telling yourself this great story will also at least create subtle thoughts about how where you are right now isn’t as “good” as where you were, which creates the feeling that you are lacking something. We usually aren’t aware that the anxiety or negative thoughts are present when we are giving attention to our positive memory, but this is part of the reason why positive-memory happiness is a much less peaceful and satisfying experience than present-moment happiness.

Positive thoughts are pleasurable, but not enough

In conclusion, positive thoughts give us pleasure, but if you really want to be fulfilled, if you really want lasting peace in your life, you need to go beyond positive thoughts. And I welcome you to do it. I invite you to do it.

Thank you so much my dear Friends :-)

God Bless !!

Stepping into Leadership - Indian School of Business

HR said, "Let’s fire her!


We had a secretary who made a mistake that cost us a contract worth $$$


It was her 2nd mistakes in less than two weeks.


I was not happy about this so I held a meeting with the HR team.


Our records showed she was one of our top performers.


“How come she had declined?” I asked.


They had no clue. Instead, they suggested we fire her.


I don't think that would've been the best solution.


I decided to invite her for coffee. I asked her to join me at our usual place.


Immediately she showed up. I had barely said anything when she broke into tears.


"Please don't fire me! I know I am performing below par.”


I was moved with compassion. I asked, what is going on.


She opened up, I've been having a turbulent time at home, I stay with an abusive partner who doesn’t care about my job. And my only son is sick, my partner is not helping at all.

I consoled her and asked if she'd want to take a break to sort things out.


She agreed. I granted her two-week break and paid her for the weeks as well.


The following weeks, she came back better and has performed excellently since then.


Leadership is about understanding & empathy. Employees are human.


“When a singer truly feels and experiences what the music is all about, the words will automatically ring true”


Be Human. It is actually very important to respond carefully to an employee's mistake. Employers have to understand that their employees have a life outside office also where they might be going through some crisis which is affecting their performance.


Treating right & supporting when required is the key to employee's motivation & morale making him/ her more grateful for the company and thus increase in productivity.


Best part is instead of jumping to conclusion you took step to know what is actually reason behind her performance.


Leadership is not only limited to leading and getting things done at time but its all about to make best team and understand teammates.


Such quality exists rare now a days.


Afterall, Employee - Employer relationship is a two way street my dear Friends 👍


God Bless !!

Short Motivational Story - The Elephant Rope (Belief)

A gentleman was walking through an elephant camp, and he spotted that the elephants weren’t being kept in cages or held by the use of chains. All that was holding them back from escaping the camp, was a small piece of rope tied to one of their legs.

As the man gazed upon the elephants, he was completely confused as to why the elephants didn’t just use their strength to break the rope and escape the camp. They could easily have done so, but instead, they didn’t try to at all.

Curious and wanting to know the answer, he asked a trainer nearby why the elephants were just standing there and never tried to escape.

The trainer replied;

“when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them. As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”

The only reason that the elephants weren’t breaking free and escaping from the camp was that over time they adopted the belief that it just wasn’t possible.

Moral of the story: No matter how much the world tries to hold you back, always continue with the belief that what you want to achieve is possible. Believing you can become successful is the most important step in actually achieving it.

Surprise Test - A Short Inspirational Story

Surprise Test

एक प्रोफ़ेसर अपनी क्लास में आते ही बोले,
........“चलिए,आज आप सभी का Surprise Test हो जाय।"
सुनते ही घबराहट फैल गई Students में!
कुछ किताबों के पन्ने पलटने लगे तो कुछ लगे पढ़ने सर के दिए नोट्स।
“ये सब कुछ काम नहीं आएगा….”, प्रोफेसर साहब मुस्कुराते हुए बोले, Question Paper
.............रख रहा हूँ आपके सामने, जब सारे पेपर बट जाएं तभी आप उसे पलट कर देखें।"
बाँट दिए गए पेपर्स सभी Students को।
“ठीक है ! अब आप पेपर देख सकते हैं।"बोले प्रोफेसर साहब।
अगले ही क्षण सभी Question Paper को निहार रहे थे,
लेकिन यह क्या?* .............कोई प्रश्न था ही नहीं उस पेपर में !
था तो *White* पेपर पर केवल एक Black स्पॉट⚫
"यह क्या सर? इसमें तो Question* है ही नहीं!", एक छात्र खड़ा होकर बोला ।
“जो भी है आपके सामने है। आपको बस इसी को Explain करना है।लेकिन!ध्यान रहे इसके लिए आपके पास केवल 10 मिनट ही हैं And your time starts now.
चुटकी बजाते  मुस्कुराते हुए बोले प्रोफेसर।
कोई चारा न था उन हैरान Students के पास।
वे जुट गए उस अजीब से प्रश्न का Answer लिखने में।
10 मिनट बीतते ही प्रोफेसर साहब ने फिर से बजाई चुटकी Time is over. और लगे Answer Sheets collect करने।
Students अभी भी हैरान परेशान।
प्रोफेसर साहब ने सभी Answer Sheets चैक कीं।
सभी ने ⚫ Black स्पॉट ⚫ को अपनी तरह से समझाने की कोशिश की थी, लेकिन किसी ने भी उस स्पॉट के चारों ओर मौजूद *White Space* के बारे में लिखने की जहमत ही नहीं उठाई।
प्रोफ़ेसर साहब गंभीर होते हुए बोले,“इस Test का आपके Academics से कोई लेना-देना नहीं है, ना ही मैं इसके कोई Marks देने वाला हूँ। इस Test के पीछे मेरा एक ही मकसद है..........
...............मैं आपको जीवन की एक अद्भुत सच्चाई बताना चाहता हूँ।
देखिये! यह पेपर 99% White है…...
.........लेकिन आप में से किसी ने भी इसके बारे में नहीं लिखा और अपना 100% Answer केवल उस एक चीज को Explain करने में लगा दिया जो मात्र 1% है….........
.............. यही बात हमारी Life में भी देखने को मिलती है।......…
.............. Problems* हमारे जीवन का एक छोटा सा हिस्सा होती हैं, लेकिन हम अपना पूरा ध्यान इन्हींपर लगा देते हैं….....
...........कोई दिन रात अपने Looks को लेकर परेशान रहता है तो कोई अपने carrier को लेकर चिंता में डूबा रहता है, तो कोई पैसों का रोना रोता रहता है, कोई दूसरे की छोटी सी गलती को अपने दिमाग में रखे रखता है।
क्यों नहीं हम अपनी Blessings Count कर खुश होते हैं….....
..............क्यों नहीं हम पेट भर खाने के लिए उस सर्व शक्तिवान प्रभु को Thanks कहते हैं….......?
क्यों नहीं हम अपनी प्यारी सी फैमिली के लिए शुक्रगुजार होते हैं….....?
क्यों नहीं हम Life की उन 99% चीजों की तरफ ध्यान देते जो सचमुच हमारे जीवन को अच्छा बनाती हैं.........?
क्यों नहीं हम अपने मित्रों सम्बन्धियों की Mistakes को Ignore कर अपने Relations को टूटने से बचाते है..........?
Students प्रोफेसर साहब की दी गई इस सीख से गदगद थे।
आईये आज से ही हम Life की Problems को ज्यादा Seriously लेना छोडें, मित्रों/सम्बन्धियों की Mistakes को भूलें और जीवन की छोटी-छोटी खुशियों को..........
........... ENJOY करना सीखें तभी हम ज़िन्दगी को सही मायने में जी पायेंगे......