Interpersonal Skills

What Are Interpersonal Skills?

We all use interpersonal skills every day. Strongly associated with emotional intelligence, interpersonal skills (in a professional context) are attributes that are used to understand what motivates employees and how they use their knowledge to achieve the best results.

As you make the transition into the world of work, interpersonal skills become increasingly important. There are hundreds of skills that could be defined as interpersonal , all used to varying degrees in the workplace depending on where you work and your level of responsibility.

Employers often seek out those candidates who have strong interpersonal skills. They actively look for applicants who have the ability to work collaboratively, communicate effectively and display the commitment and work ethic that they require.

Why do Interpersonal Skills Matter?

Without interpersonal skills everyday business would be very difficult, since almost all aspects of work involve communication. Many jobs also involve collaboration and interaction with different types of people, and interpersonal skills are vital to make this happen.

During a job interview, recruiters will look to see how the candidate’s interpersonal skills fit in with those required in the current working environment. They will often base their decision to recruit on whether the candidate possesses the right interpersonal skills to succeed within the business.

Self-confidence, collaboration and positivity are all interpersonal skills much in demand.

What are the 10 Key Interpersonal Skills for Graduates?

1. Self-Confidence

The right level of self-confidence in the workplace can open doors and help you to gain recognition. It can also demonstrate how you approach various situations and deal with them both positively and effectively.

To be successful, it is important to demonstrate self-confidence at every stage of your career, whether you are a graduate looking for an entry position or a more experienced member of the team hoping to secure promotion. Self-confidence at work will improve the way people see you and your views, ideas and opinions will be taken more seriously. Confidence also enables you to deal with challenging situations more effectively and allows you to set and reach new goals.

2. Work Ethic

Having a strong work ethic is viewed favourably by many recruiters. But what exactly does work ethic relate to?

Well, it can be split into three distinct strands, the first of which is professionalism. This incorporates everything from how you present yourself through to your appearance and the way in which you treat others.

The next strand is respectfulness. All workplaces require you to work under pressure at some time or another, and exercising grace under stress will earn you more recognition. No matter how short the deadline or how heated things may get, always retain your diplomacy and poise. Whether you are communicating with a difficult customer or trying to collaborate on a complex project fraught with difficulty, do your best to respect everyone’s opinion and understand the value that they bring to the project.

The final strand of a strong work ethic is dependability. Employers need to know they have employees they can count on. If you are always on time, well prepared and deliver work when you say you will, this demonstrates your strong work ethic and commitment to the business. In an uncertain business environment, colleagues, customers and management will certainly appreciate the stability that you can bring.

3. Relationship Management

Building effective relationships is one thing but managing them is something entirely different. This is an important skill in many roles, from junior posts through to management. At every level in a business you will be expected to manage relationships with colleagues, partners and clients to some extent. The ability to manage relationships based on respect for each other and mutual trust is very important within any business environment.

4. Receptiveness to Feedback

Being open to feedback can help you develop both personally and professionally. In order to take on board feedback, you must first listen to it.

Don’t think about your response; just listen to what is being said. Also take note of the non-verbal communication and body language being used, which will provide subtle clues as to what your colleague or manager is not saying as much as what they are. Take on board what you have been told and use this in a positive way to further enhance your performance and productivity.

5. Body Language

Non-verbal communication is often overlooked, but when you are at work, think about how your body language and gestures could be interpreted. Facial expressions can determine how you are feeling and eye contact, posture, tone of voice and gestures all reveal your attitude and approach to the situation.

6. Listening

Even the best communicators must listen carefully. Failure to listen properly can have disastrous consequences, from failing to follow through on a manager’s instructions to not completing a customer’s request. If you fail to listen, you cannot interpret what has been said and respond appropriately.

7. Collaboration

Working collaboratively allows teams to work productively and deliver positive outcomes for clients and the business. Successful collaboration requires the ability to cooperate and respect each other.

Employers often seek applicants who have a proven track record working successfully within a team and candidates who are willing to compromise and cooperate to deliver exceptional work. Being able to collaborate - particularly in challenging situations - is a great selling point when applying for a job. Present yourself in a positive manner and communicate your enthusiasm for team working.

8. Showing Appreciation

In the workplace, employers always look for employees who show their appreciation. This could be something as simple as a thank you when someone has helped with a project, a difficult customer or a tricky situation. Showing appreciation is about letting colleagues, clients, partners and managers know that you value them, their expertise and their assistance.

9. Positive Attitude

Showing positivity, even in difficult situations, is important. Be positive from the moment you fill out the application form or write a covering letter through to the interview, your first day at work and beyond.

Never say anything negative about your current or past employer, even if you feel strongly about it. Employees with a positive attitude are more likely to treat others positively, which creates a more harmonious working environment.

10. Workplace Etiquette

The way in which you come across to others can speak volumes. People often form an impression of you within the first few seconds of meeting, so it’s important that you present yourself as a professional. Learning workplace etiquette is a great way to leave a lasting impression on those you meet.

Check your posture, ensure that you stand straight and make eye contact, turn towards people when they are speaking and smile at them in a genuine way. Follow the dress code of the company and make sure that your accessories such as ties, bags and jewellery are suitable for the workplace. Also ensure that you demonstrate kindness and courtesy, and arrive in good time.

Which Jobs Require Interpersonal Skills?

The above is by no means an exhaustive list of interpersonal skills. If you have strong relationship-building capabilities combined with effective collaborative skills, there are certain roles that you will be well suited to.

Any careers that require client management would be an ideal choice. That said, being able to remember the finer details, having self-confidence to market yourself properly and respecting workplace etiquette are skills that are valued in many roles, including:

Property

When working in property you must be able to build relationships with clients and partners, and be receptive to the requirements of both buyers and sellers. As buying and selling property is a major financial decision, an estate agent or consultant will need strong negotiation skills and communicative abilities to close sales and negotiate the best price for the seller.

Broker

A broker helps their clients to secure the best deal on a range of products from mortgages to insurance. Financial product knowledge is key, but communication skills are also high on the list of priorities. As well as working with clients, brokers also need to develop strong relationships with partners such as banks, lenders and estate agents.

Medical Professional

Although education and the level of skill required to become a qualified medical professional are the most important to practice, interpersonal skills feature strongly in any skill set of a doctor, nurse or consultant. They must be able to communicate and use non-verbal communication to offer reassurance and put patients at ease. Medical professionals must also be able to discuss sensitive issues with their patients, and bedside manner is very important.

Financial Planning

As with a broker, financial planning requires knowledge and exceptional communication and interpersonal skills. Financial planners will assist their clients in areas such as investments, insurance and planning for retirement to name a few, so they must be able to establish a certain degree of trust. Listening is crucial, so that they can understand clients’ requirements and then recommend suitable products and services.

Sales

Relationship management is a key element of many sales roles - done well, it can lead to new and repeat business from recommendations or referred customers. Sales professionals must also be confident making cold calls and deploying strong negotiation and listening skills to find out the requirements of the client, before offering suitable products and/or services.

How to Emphasise Your Interpersonal Skills in Your CV

Now that you understand what interpersonal skills are and the industries in which they are most useful, you should be able to identify a few of them that you possess. Once you have, be sure to emphasise them in your application documents and then, if successful, at interview.

When drafting your CV, look carefully at the job description and person specification to see if any specific interpersonal skills are mentioned. Start your CV with a clear and concise profile section that describes your main attributes. This should be followed by a strong career history section, again incorporating your interpersonal skills via your professional experience, academic studies and voluntary work.

In your cover letter, you can expand this further by explaining how you used these skills and the impact that had on the business. Perhaps your strong communication skills secured a sale, or your successful relationship management resulted in excellent customer feedback.

If you are invited to an interview, emphasise your interpersonal skills and show the recruiter how you use them. Elements such as workplace etiquette, professionalism and self-confidence all come into play here. Any others, such as listening and collaboration, can also be explained using relevant examples from your work or academic studies.

Results Orientation With Execution Excellence

Results orientation is a term used to describe knowing what results are important, and focusing resources to achieve them. Interviewers will ask competency questions to determine if candidates are results-driven and aware of the importance of results, and also to find out what kind of results are important to a candidate and if the candidate understands how to achieve results.

Results orientation questions you may be asked include:

Are you successful?
Give me an example of a time you have been very successful.
Why do you think people aren't successful?
Give me an example of a time you were not successful. Why do you think this happened?

You need to make it clear that you understand how important results are, that you are a competitive and results-driven person and that although you may not always have achieved the desired results in the past, you certainly did aim to do so and have learnt from your mistakes.

Results-oriented approach improves employee job satisfaction

How to stop hating yourself

“Why do I hate myself?” and “How to stop hating yourself?”

I’m going to provide you with 9 different reasons and explanations to help show you why you hate yourself, and how to stop hating yourself is going to be embedded within that.

1) You don’t hate yourself in every moment

When you say “I hate myself”, it is said as if this is some permanent thing, as if this is some factual part of your existence. “I hate myself”—that’s true and factual—“I hate myself”. Let me ask you a question. Do you hate yourself in every moment? When you’re having fun, do you hate yourself? When you’re enjoying yourself: when you’re watching TV, when you’re playing video games, when you’re eating something you like, when you’re with friends and having fun with them, when you’re playing a sport, when you’re dancing, do you hate yourself in all of those moments? Probably not.

I’m sure there are some breaks in your life when you don’t hate yourself. When we say “I hate myself”, it seems really powerful and strong as if that’s some factual, consistent, steady, and stable part of our existence. But that’s not true.

When a thought arises that says “I hate myself” we feel hatred towards ourselves and shame. But, when that thought doesn’t pop up in our minds, there is no feeling of hating ourselves. It’s not as though hating ourselves is part of who we are, and therefore that’s going to be part of our life forever. Hatred comes and goes as thoughts come and go. The feeling of hatred stays exactly as long as the thought “I hate myself” keeps our attention. When that thought doesn’t show up in our minds, we are already fine with ourselves and life. In addition, in any moment that we’re distracted by from the thought that says “I hate myself”, we feel fine. There is no hatred at all.

Hating ourselves only exists as a thought, not as a fact. This is why you don’t feel hatred when you are distracted from your thoughts through entertainment, food, or some other thing that you enjoy.

2) You are not the one who hates yourself

The second thing to understand about hating yourself is to be clear about who is the one hating. When you say “I hate myself”, there are two characters there. There is the “I” that hates, and the one that is being hated. So, which one are you? And which is the one that hates?

When a thought doesn’t show up in our minds, there is no hatred at all. When our full attention is on TV, music, or video games, there is no hatred. We are just here being as we are.

But, then thoughts pop up and say “I hate that I do this”, “I hate that I’m like”, “I hate that my life is like”. As soon as thoughts say “I hate”, hatred appears. You exist in every moment, but hatred only exists when a thought pops up to say “I hate”. Therefore, thoughts are hating here, not you. Because when those thoughts aren’t here, there’s no hate. When the thought is here, there is hate.

3) The thoughts that hate aren’t you or yours

Who is this one that hates? Thoughts. But are these thoughts yours? Well, did you pick the thought I hate myself? Did you look into a basket of potential thoughts and then pick the one that says “I hate myself” to put into your mind. No, of course not. It just showed up. Where did it come from? You have no idea. One second there’s no thought here, the next second there is.

The most important thing to you and every human being is to have peace and happiness. Therefore, you would never choose to have a thought show up in your mind that hates. Why would you? It creates suffering, not peace. Nobody wants to hate themselves.

Since you didn’t pick to have the thought “I hate myself”, it has nothing to do with you. That thought is not yours.

4) Thoughts hate because society teaches us million ideas of “good” and “bad”

Why thoughts show up to hate? It all comes from our conditioning. In other words, our unique set of experiences in life, our life history. When you were young, when you were two-years-old, did you hate yourself? No, almost certainly not. We’re all just going through life enjoying ourselves at: 0, 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 more-or-less. Just having fun, regardless of whether we’re fat or skinny, we’re just there being ourselves. If we’re overweight, we don’t feel ashamed about being overweight, we’re just whatever weight we are. If we’re shy, we don’t feel it’s bad that we’re shy, we’re just happy as we are.

But, then what happens is we get taught all of these ideas of “perfect”, all of these ideas of the way things “should be”, and the “right way”. We learn that skinny is “good”; but fat is “bad”. So, then, if we’re overweight, we say that “it’s bad I’m overweight”; and we learn to hate ourselves. We learn that “shy is bad” and “outgoing is good”. So, then, if we’re shy, we learn to feel ashamed and hate ourselves. We learn that being in a relationship is “perfect”, being single is “bad”. When we’re young, before we learn that, of course we’re happy. It doesn’t matter that we’re single. But then, once we learn this, we feel bad about being single.

When thoughts say “I hate myself that I’m like this”, “it’s bad that I’m like that”, “it’s not good enough that my life is like this”, all of that is just comparing our life to what our particular society and upbringing has taught is the “right”, “perfect”, and “good” way to be and live.

5) You can stop believing the thoughts that hate

If someone approached you on the street and said “There is going to be a big earthquake in 5 minutes”, how would you react? Well, if you believed them, you might feel afraid. But, if you didn’t believe them, you would feel nothing. The same is true with the words in your mind, when you believe the words in your mind, they create emotions. But, when you don’t believe those words, they don’t create emotions.

When a stranger approaches you and says something, you don’t just automatically believe them. You would evaluate whether they were trustworthy, and you would look for evidence to see if what they are saying is true. However, when it comes to the thoughts in your mind, you automatically just believe everything that is said. We need to approach thoughts with the same skepticism as we would the words of a stranger.

When a thought says “Something about me is bad” or “It is bad that I do this” or “It is bad that I live here” or “It is bad that I don’t have that”, you just believe that this must be true. It showed up in your mind, so it just must be true. But, how do you know it’s true? How do you know it’s bad to act like this, live like this etc? What is the evidence that it is bad? Where did that thought come from?

In order to see that this thought might not be true, you could ask yourself “Can I think of a few reasons or examples as to why the opposite could be true?” Or, you could ask yourself “Could somebody else think the opposite?” You might think something about you or your life is “bad” because the people around you also think it is “bad”. But, this is the case because you have all been trained in the same way, by the same media, culture, etc.

So you think you’re boring, but somebody might think you’re fun. In some cultures, they consider it to be “good” to have more fat or weight in certain areas, and think it is “bad” to be skinny. In some societies in Asia, they consider to be “bad” to have darker skin, whereas in America, everyone wants to get a tan and think it is “bad” to be pale skinned. Some cultures decide it is best to get married in low 20s, some think in late 30s. Some cultures think it is “best” to become wealthy and successful, while others decide that this is selfish and “bad” way to live. Some people want a shy and introspective romantic partner, some want an outgoing one.

No belief about what is “good” and “bad” are true and real. They are all perspectives based on where and how you were raised. It’s all just beliefs. Just beliefs of what we were taught. The thoughts just come from society, from the media, from parents, and everything else we were exposed to in our life. There is nothing about you or your life that is actually “bad”.

6) You’re not to blame for your thoughts because you don’t pick them

Since these thoughts come from what we’re taught; we don’t control them. They’re not our fault. You didn’t decide to be brought up with the parents you had. You didn’t decide to be brought up in the place, or in the society that you had. You didn’t decide what the TV shows and movies taught you. You didn’t decide any of that. Therefore, you don’t control the thoughts that arise in your mind. If every person, movie, and magazine didn’t teach you that skinny was good , fat is bad; shy is bad, outgoing is good; big houses mean you’re successful, small houses means you’re a failure; married is best, single is bad; then you wouldn’t have any of these thoughts/beliefs.  The same is true with every single idea your mind has about what is a “bad” way to look, act, speak, and interact… what types of jobs, living situations, and marital status are “bad”.

But if you didn’t get a choice in what beliefs you were taught, then you didn’t pick what thoughts show up in your mind. You don’t control the thoughts that come up. And that means something. Do you know what that means? That means it’s not your fault that you seem to hate yourself.

It’s not your fault that all of these negative thoughts are going on in your mind. It has nothing to do with you. So you can let yourself off of the hook. It doesn’t mean that you’re stupid that you hate yourself. It doesn’t mean that there’s something wrong with you, that you hate yourself. It doesn’t mean anything, it’s not personal. You were just brought up in a society that taught you a million ideas about what is “bad”.

7) The hated qualities don’t exist in reality

The fifth thing to look at with hating ourselves is to investigate the qualities that we hate. First of all, where do these qualities exist? So we think “I am shy”, where does that exist in this moment? Shyness. Can you see it? Can you touch it? “I am shy”. It’s only a thought, it’s not real. “I am unlikable”. Where does unlikable exist? Show me it, find it. “I am unlikable”. Does it exist as a fact? Is it real? “I am boring”. Where does boring exist? How do you know? Where does failure exist? You think, “I am a failure.” Show me failure. Does it exist in reality? Is it tangible? Is it factual? Show me. Where is it? Can you find it? Locate it. It’s just a thought, it’s not real. All these qualities that we think are factually who we are truly only exist in our imagination.

The strange thing about this is that the qualities we hate aren’t even qualities at all. They’re just thoughts, that come sometimes, and then go. If the only time “I am boring” exists is when a thought shows up, then that can’t be who you are. If the only time “I am a failure” exists is when a thought says it, then it can’t be who you are. Your hand continues to exist whether or not you’re thinking about it because it is a real thing. It is not a figment of your imagination.

8) The qualities that are hated are not who you are

To approach this from a different angle, you are always you. You have always been you. When you were born, were you you? When you were five, were you you? When you were ten, were you you? Of course, you were always you. Throughout changes to your body, feelings, thoughts, actions, and everything you were always there. There was something that never changed, the fundamental you. You have always been there. Therefore, if something comes and goes, while you remain, then that thing can’t be you.

For example, you may think “I am shy. That is who I am”. But, take a moment to ask yourself the following questions: “Am I always shy? Or sometimes am I outgoing with some people, and then I’m shy with others? Am I outgoing in some situations? At some ages was I not shy?” If shyness is here sometimes, and not here at all during other times, then that can’t be a part of who you are. You have always been you. So, you can’t BE shy, you can’t BE boring because you weren’t that in every moment. In some moments there is shyness and other moments outgoingness, but that isn’t who you are.

You exist right now, therefore anything that doesn’t exist right now isn’t real or you. So, where is hated quality right now?

9) Separating the facts from your thoughts about the facts

To show you the difference between facts and thoughts, please take a moment to look at my nose in the video above. Now tell me, is it an attractive nose or an ugly nose? The truth is that attractive and ugly don’t exist as part of the facts. If you think it is ugly, ugly doesn’t exist as part of the nose. The nose is located in NY (most of the time), but “ugly” is located in your mind wherever you are. “Ugly” is not part of the nose, the facts, or reality. “Ugly” is a thought about a fact. It is a concept.

When we say that we are suffering because something about our life or who we are is “bad”, we are saying that the facts have made me unhappy. But, the facts haven’t made you unhappy. You have confused the facts with your thoughts about the facts. “Bad” doesn’t exist as part of the facts. That is a strong about the facts. We superimpose “bad” (or “ugly”) onto the facts and claim it is actually part of what we are seeing.

The facts themselves are completely neutral. There’s nothing to hate about yourself because you’re just here being. Who are you? We’re just here, being; nothing else. There is nothing “bad” about you in reality. “Bad” only exists as a thought about something.

I hope this post about how to stop hating yourself was helpful
So why we hate ourselves is because we follow the thoughts in our mind and believe that they’re true. But it has nothing to do with us because we didn’t pick the thoughts, we didn’t put them in our minds, and we didn’t control the teachers (formal and informal) that told us what is good and bad.

Now, come back to this moment. You’re just here; nothing “bad”, nothing to hate my dear Friends.

God Bless !!